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Things that Come Back to Bite You in the Ass

May 30, '07 9:29 AM
for everyone

There's always a price to pay when you're being a smart-ass.

A few months ago when I was shopping for cheap underwears, I received an SMS which sounded something like "So, shall I do it?"

I figured that somebody must have sent it by mistake. I could have replied and told the sender that he or she might have typed the wrong number. Or, I could have simply ignored it. But noooo... I must do something witty so I replied, "Please do." I immediately making up stories in my mind. The sender was a woman and she was asking her husband's permission to put on her sexiest lingerie that night. Or a boy asking his mother's permission to appear in porn.

What I didn't remember was that two hours ago a friend of mine borrowed my cell phone to talk to someone in the catering business about the possibility to order 1,000 boxes of food for an event.The next day, I was five millions Rupiah poorer.

***

Last year, in a bid to curve terrorism and cellphone-related frauds, the Indonesian government made a regulation that all pre-paid SIM card users must register their name and address by SMS. So anyone can still purchase a SIM card without ID, but before you can use it, you have to register. I thought it was just silly. There was no way that regulation could do anything good. So I registered my number under false name and address, just to spite it.

Last month, there was something wrong with my SIM card and I could make or receive calls. I couldn't just simply buy a new SIM card because then I would have to notify all my contacts. So I went to the SIM card center and asked for a replacement.

After waiting for almost two hours staring at one of those big digital indicators which display which number could go in to be served, it finally showed my number.

I was then greeted by a lady who, after a day long dealing with consumers' complaints, looked very bored. I told her about my problem and then she typed something on her computer. She deadpanned, asking for my ID. I gave it to her. Then she said, "Sorry the information on your ID doesn't match with what we have on our computer."

I immediately realized that I was in a deep shit. Not only I knew that registered under a false name and address, I completely forgot what name I used. So I kindly asked, "What do you have on your computer?"

She turned her monitor to face me. I read it in horror:
Name : Brad Pitt
Place of Birth : Mojokerto (A very small town in Java)
Address : Jl. Sawo Gang Jambu no. 2

"Why didn't you register under your name?" the lady asked.
"The card used to be... uhmm... my brother's," I said.
"Then he has to come down here to file the complaint," she said.
"He can't... Umm.. He is in... Russia," I didn't know what else to say.

I didn't know whether she was tired or simply didn't want to make me even more embarrassed, she just handed me out a piece of paper.

"Just make the statement here that this SIM card really belongs to you," she said.
"What should I write?" I asked
"I'll dictate it to you"
So I began writing what felt to be the longest line I had ever written:
"I hereby state that this SIM card belongs to me and that Brad Pitt is truly my brother..."

***

One time, I was so proud that I could get an unlikely production company to finance my film. It turned out to be a big disaster. But that's another story. In fact, this is just the opening for a book called "Things that Come Back to Bite You in the Ass" that I'm writing. :)

Tags: on life

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15 CommentsChronological Reverse Threaded

muhammadreza wrote on May 30, '07

Hai, Mas Joko. What I've learnt from the experience is that we should be careful with details, though they dont seem quite important.

graceemerald wrote on May 30, '07

do you really write that book?

crapnrotten wrote on May 30, '07

joko wrote :
"He can't... Umm.. He is in... Russia," I didn't know what else to say.

and i : huahahaha...

joko wrote :
I was so proud that I could get an unlikely production company to finance my film. It turned out to be a big disaster.

i say :
what's wrong?!

is there any chance you make the sequels?

nurmaspace wrote on May 30, '07

Good teaser for the book, mas Joko!
by they way, kindly send my regards to your brother. Hahaha!

okeboo wrote on May 30, '07

hahahahhaaha nice post mas jok! salam buat kakak bred pit yaaa ihihih.. this journal made my day:-)

rikigede wrote on May 30, '07

gue kirain lo mau mengeluh gara gara salah beli kolor dan ada kutu yang mengigit elo di pantat karena kolornya terlalu murah.

wakakakakakakak..

lambekobong wrote on May 30, '07

wakakakak !! hillarious ^^, like it, but why pitt ?!? why russia ?? :P

indocalita wrote on May 30, '07

ini beneran mas......................???

dont know what to say...I just can..................

olinmonteiro wrote on May 30, '07

hehehhehe, jangan spoiler dong ntar ketauan. Good story though, cepetan deh dibuat bukunya. Nanti gue bantuin launchingnya. And it won't bite you in any way. Iiihh gemes de ama jokster, sini gue jitak heheheh jitak sayang kok.